So, this is a sort of old post originally published on The National Student (read it here), though I thought I'd post it up on here. First year of university is well and truly done and dusted, thank you Lord. Not only did I manage to pass with a first *gasps with disbelief*, I learnt a LOT about boys.
For some, the end of the final semester of the university
year doesn’t only mean saying goodbye to stumbling into 9am lectures, checking
references with Neil’s Toolbox and a disgusting kitchen, but saying goodbye to
somebody really special. No, I don’t mean the creepy flat mate.
Like many freshers, university offered a whole new horizon in
the form of different types of relationships and I could even perhaps both
cringe and cry looking back at it all. Here’s what I really learnt about
relationships (however unconventional) during my first year at university.
Student nights often have that everybody wants to get
with everybody but nobody wants to make the first move vibe
You’ll probably do some stupid things during freshers, and
you’ll probably do stupid things during the entire year at student nights. This
is okay, if you are okay with it. There’s that whole general vibe of teenage
hormones running riot mixed with £1 drinks and neon paint so if you want to go
crazy then nobody is going to judge you for doing so. Also, if you’re like me
and didn’t do anything worth drunkenly tweeting or alternatively considering
hibernation about, then that’s fine too. They still let you into university if
you didn’t sleep with that guy from Derby or that girl from Wales after dancing
with them. They’ll also probably let you in if you do.
I’ve seen relationships last since freshers, and I’ve seen
people avoid each other on campus after one clumsy night. What I learnt however
is, nothing is right and nothing is wrong – as long as it’s safe, consented and
you feel good about it.
(NOTE: I take zero responsibility for your actions after
reading.)
Tinder is not for me
We may deny it, but the majority of us students have been or are
on Tinder. And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s often funny, can pass the
time and you know, some attention can be nice, even if it has the weird smirk
emoji at the end of it. After a couple of disastrous Tinder dates, it’s kind of
easy to get excited when one actually goes well – I have since learnt not to do
so.
Personally, I’m not into the whole casual hook up, late night
flirt kinda thing. So as I sat in bed swiping gormlessly and wondering how to
crop my selfie to make it fit properly to post as a ‘moment’, reality suddenly
hit. What. Am. I. Doing. I was 18, living away from home with ‘the whole world
waiting for me’ (according to my mum). Why was I seeking companionship through
a phone? It was fun, sure. But good things come to those who wait.
Good things may come to those who wait, but sometimes it’s
best if they go
Ha, well. Ironically, I did meet somebody through Tinder. Well
long story, friend of friend but also on Tinder. Anyway. I’ve since learnt that
commitment probably isn’t best at university for people like me, loyalty is one
thing but full on commitment is a lot more. During six months of ‘seeing each
other’ we had some really great times and were loyal to one another, we didn’t
ask too many questions and we didn’t really have the talk. This for many
around us seemed strange. Though as term rolls to an end and exams become in
touching distance it’s easy to see why we met up recently and had the ‘let’s be
friends’ talk over a drink. Surprisingly, not in Wetherspoons.
University ‘relationships’ are always going to be tested as
students return home for a stupidly long summer. Distance isn’t perhaps thought
about in advance; neither is time nor change of context, not to mention work
placements and jobs. So sometimes you do find something great, but that doesn’t
mean it has to be long to be. If you can pick up where you left off over
summer, or even continue over summer – I dig that, but if it ends then just
think about why.
University doesn’t have to end existing relationships,
either
We see those couples growing up together having dated since
being in nappies, or wearing shutter shade glasses in year nine, and we all
secretly think ‘they are not going to last once they start at university.’ I
have learnt once more, that more often than not I am wrong. Relationships can
end after the strain of university is put on them, but they can also be
strengthened. In fairness, I didn’t realise how little time is actually spent
AT university. So, if you are willing to try and keep up communication and put
time aside to see each other, I’ve witnessed relationships lasting the year
with minor hiccups. Of course, when there’s a bump in the road it is quite
evident – but that means it has to be addressed.
Finally, I must always remember it is okay to be myself
throughout it all
At first I felt like a complete twit turning my face to dodge a
kiss in a club, or pretending I was nipping to the loo when somebody was
getting a little too close for comfort. I’ve since learnt that this is nothing
to feel guilty for. I didn’t have to give somebody my number just because they
asked and I didn’t want to seem rude. I didn’t have to make out with a guy when
all that I actually wanted to be dancing as my favourite song came on. I
have learnt that usually in clubs, people are just there for a good time and if
you’re not digging it, they’re not going to take it to heart.
You don’t have to pull on every night out, or be given sexual
attention. Just have a good time, with no intentions.
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