Tanyel Gumushan: July 2015

What's the big deal with...deleting people on Facebook?

09:17

Well, since like the beginning of social media there’s been a big deal made when you deleted somebody from social media. But the question is, WHY?

I’m not afraid to admit that I have removed people from my Facebook friends list, though never without motive. It doesn’t even matter how big or small this motive may be, if you have one then get rid.

For me, Facebook is a way to keep in touch with people that I want to keep in touch with. There are my actual friends, people from school, distant relatives that share a quote that a minion couldn’t even think yet alone say...

Basically only people I’d say hello to if they walked my way.

Without going into too many details, I’m not ashamed to admit that I have deleted several guys that I’ve dated. It doesn’t matter that one I dated for two weeks, and another for six months. It also doesn’t matter that one hurt me more than the other.

The point became that I didn’t want anything else to do with them, so why would I be interested in seeing their shares of the ‘LAD bible’ or the footie scores?

I’m aware that this may seem pathetic. That it might look as though I am overdramatic, silly, childish, rude even...

Mentioning it to people, I’m met with laughs sometimes. Spluttered ‘why!?’s and even exasperated sighs.

But really, I’m just not a fan of falling for the temptation of checking walls, new friendships and photo likes. Really, I just don’t want to see.

Perhaps it’s because I do care, and am jealous. Perhaps it’s because it really isn’t worth the hassle.

Similarly, I’ve removed people that I went to school with. If they were never particularly pleasant when I knew them, why did I care that they’d passed their driving tests?

I enjoy positivity, and that counts for Facebook too. I don’t want to subconsciously filter what I post, or post for a reaction. With only friends on Facebook, I don’t have to.

It’s all well and good if you fancy a nosy, and everybody is different. It’s just time to stop shaming individual decisions, each delete is a different story!

So if somebody’s bringing your newsfeed down, feel no shame in removing. If you’re worried, just hide them from your feed. It’s your profile.

advice

Dealing with...social media jealousy

08:49

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Okay, I’m not the only person in the world to have a green eyed monster on my back. I know this. We all know this. And, we’re all guilty.

But, are we actually guilty? I mean, it’s a natural emotion. So why do we all feel so damn bad about it every time we feel jealous?

Recently I’ve noticed that I feel it perhaps a bit too much however. Strangely, it’s all towards people that I don’t even know.

We are the first generation of the digital age. We tweet, insta and post everything. We use our smartphones purely to narrate and show off. A simple cinema trip has turned into a Facebook check in, an Instagram of a Tango Iced Blast, a 100 second Snapchat story and a brief review in a tweet.

As a result we’ve created a whole new word just to define it. FOMO. Fear. Of. Missing. Out. Anxiety and jealousy triggered by social media posts. The unbearable thought of somebody having, or doing, something that you aren't.

I admit it.

I get jealous when I scroll down Instagram and see a photo of pancakes without a shadow.

Or, a new MAC lipstick.

Or, a shot from an airplane window.

(If you have Instagram then you’ll know that it’s almost impossible to avoid these.)

I get jealous when somebody uploads a killer selfie, wearing the dress that I wanted but didn’t have the confidence to pull off. Or if somebody is being shown online signs of affection.

It gets worse around this time of year, when people are at festivals or on holiday and I am here.

I have spent the past two months working full time in a restaurant, trying to squeeze in some freelance work, trying to cut out carbs and trying to get six hours sleep at night.

Am I bitter? Am I unappreciative? Or is this perfectly normal?

I have my health, I have a summer job, I have my place at university to return to in September. Heck, I have a wardrobe of clothes, make up, shoes. I have a family. Friends. My cat. A Netflix subscription. I have strong ideas of what I want from the future and evidence that I have worked for it.

Why do I feel so down in the dumps and jealous? Why do I keep picking up my phone to torture myself further with heartbroken ‘likes’.

Though the strange thing is, we don’t look at it the other way.

We don’t know the full story of anybody we are jealous of. We know their username and their filter.

Similarly, we don’t know who is feeling jealousy towards us. Chances are, somebody is. Honestly, that's probably our biggest motive of updating social media. To boast?

Because we all have something that somebody else hasn’t got.

Like we can’t experience happiness without sadness, perhaps we can’t feel appreciative without jealousy.

Though let’s vow next time to perhaps try these out?

How to kick social media jealousy in the ass

1. Make a list of all the great things you have. Yes, actually use a pen.

2. Make a list of all the great qualities and achievements that you have. Tell yourself these.

3. Compliment people, even if you are jealous, play nice. Be joyous, you’d expect the same back, and you’ll feel better for doing so.

4. Give it ten minutes. Ever get that overwhelming surge of jealousy? Take ten, distract yourself, let it pass. It isn’t the end of the world.

5. Take more than ten, take a day or a week without social media. Do something fun, and then TALK about it to somebody without posting it up.

6. Wonder why you’re jealous in the first place, get your mind straight and it’ll work better for you.

7. Stop thinking of them, and start thinking of you. Jealous of an opportunity? Seek one for yourself. Jealous of a selfie? Try out a new hair do.

8. Try not to worry about the people you don’t know, focus on those that you do. Talk to them.

9. Don’t actively seek jealousy to annoy yourself. Ignore posts, and try not to stalk.

10. Remember, social media is not real life. Every coin has two sides.

You are more than your artisan coffee.

accomodation

10 things you HAVE to take to university with you

06:49

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If you’re planning on going to university this September, just know that I pity you this summer. That sounds drastic, but I do. I know full well 99% of your conversations the past few months have pinballed from exams to university to results day to the future and beyond.

It can be exciting, but also tiring. Yes, I’m sure you know that you need to start packing soon. And no, you’ll probably never need a Tupperware box for sandwiches. But yes, you have one because they were near the check outs in Wilkinson so a relative picked it up.

Having just finished my first year of uni, pigging it out in student accommodation I’m here to tell you the ten things that are essential to better your way of lazy living in halls.

1. A door stop. Several, perhaps.

Who’d have known a little piece of wood could be so handy? Some rooms lock automatically when the door closes, so a door stop can save time/money/effort to get you back in if you nip to the kitchen without your key. Also, they are life savers while moving in. Not to mention, they’re a great way to show you want to socialise with flat mates.

You may want to pick one up for the communal area too; else you’ll probably hear doors going 24/7.

2. A washing up bowl

You won’t believe how much you take these beauties for granted. Your washing up bowl holds your washing up, keeps your things from getting contaminated by the stray dirty plates and means that you will never be the one to block the sink with pasta. It also means that you’ll never have to actually touch the dirty sink. Or clean it. Not your responsibility.

3. Antibacterial wipes

I’m telling you this now, the only time you’ll clean is when A) your parents are visiting. Or B) it’s a week until you’ll get the deposit back. Behold, antibacterial wipes. Wipe down dusty surfaces, wipe your mirror, wipe your toilet, wipe the floor, wipe the windows, wipe anywhere and smell the hygiene.

4. Coat hangers

An obvious one, but they will break easily, be ‘borrowed’ and do that vanishing act that they like to do. You’ll probably bite into your student loan for some new threads too. So, take spare coat hangers and save yourself hours ironing after some bad folds.

Trouser hangers actually make good selfie sticks, too.

5. Different sized cooking trays

The rumours of ‘just buy a wok, they do everything!’ are false. Merely whispers in the wind. It may not seem it, but you DO need different sized cooking trays. A jar of pasta sauce will not fill the massive tray you put your potatoes on.

6. A HDMI cable

In my halls we had a TV, we moved this TV into the lounge area, and we used a HDMI cable to attach to our laptops. We had a Netflix cinema.

7. A readymade folder/note book

Spend a few hours putting your P60, P45, bank details, NHS card (yes, they’re a thing), a few CVs, your GCSE/A Level result certificates, national insurance number, passport, references, student finance papers, accommodation agreements, receipts for electrical goods, instruction manuals, ANY BITS OF PAPER THAT YOU WILL NEED AT TTHE MOST INCONVIENENT TIME together.

Invest in a folder and put them all into sections, also write down the important bits in a notebook.

8. Printed photos

Make your room look like your room, you’re paying for it so it may as well look nice. Take ornaments and decorations, stick up photos and cover your pin board. Not only will it give you something to do to settle in, but it’s a great conversation starter with flatmates.

Download FreePrints and you’ll get an allowance every month, only paying delivery – so you can collect your uni memories!

9. An extension lead

What if there are no plug sockets near your bed so you can’t charge your phone? What if your hair straighteners can’t reach the mirror? What if you can’t sacrifice turning off the lamp to watch TV?

10. A clothes airer

Valentine’s Day this year, I spent it trying to hide the fact that I nearly burned down the building by putting my cosy pjs on the radiator to dry quickly. No. This is not safe. With the price of washing machines and dryers so costly in student halls, a simple airer will save you a lot. Just have patience.

Extra useful items

An alarm clock
A small room bin
Desk lamp
Boxes for storage
A hot water bottle
Plasters, hey, maybe a mini first aid kit
An extra duvet/air bed for visitors
A bath mat
A secret stash of sweet treats
A blanket

advice

What I learnt about relationships during my first year at university

09:45

So, this is a sort of old post originally published on The National Student (read it here), though I thought I'd post it up on here. First year of university is well and truly done and dusted, thank you Lord. Not only did I manage to pass with a first *gasps with disbelief*, I learnt a LOT about boys.

For some, the end of the final semester of the university year doesn’t only mean saying goodbye to stumbling into 9am lectures, checking references with Neil’s Toolbox and a disgusting kitchen, but saying goodbye to somebody really special. No, I don’t mean the creepy flat mate.

Like many freshers, university offered a whole new horizon in the form of different types of relationships and I could even perhaps both cringe and cry looking back at it all. Here’s what I really learnt about relationships (however unconventional) during my first year at university.

Student nights often have that everybody wants to get with everybody but nobody wants to make the first move vibe

You’ll probably do some stupid things during freshers, and you’ll probably do stupid things during the entire year at student nights. This is okay, if you are okay with it. There’s that whole general vibe of teenage hormones running riot mixed with £1 drinks and neon paint so if you want to go crazy then nobody is going to judge you for doing so. Also, if you’re like me and didn’t do anything worth drunkenly tweeting or alternatively considering hibernation about, then that’s fine too. They still let you into university if you didn’t sleep with that guy from Derby or that girl from Wales after dancing with them. They’ll also probably let you in if you do.

I’ve seen relationships last since freshers, and I’ve seen people avoid each other on campus after one clumsy night. What I learnt however is, nothing is right and nothing is wrong – as long as it’s safe, consented and you feel good about it.

(NOTE: I take zero responsibility for your actions after reading.)

Tinder is not for me

We may deny it, but the majority of us students have been or are on Tinder. And there is nothing wrong with that. It’s often funny, can pass the time and you know, some attention can be nice, even if it has the weird smirk emoji at the end of it. After a couple of disastrous Tinder dates, it’s kind of easy to get excited when one actually goes well – I have since learnt not to do so.

Personally, I’m not into the whole casual hook up, late night flirt kinda thing. So as I sat in bed swiping gormlessly and wondering how to crop my selfie to make it fit properly to post as a ‘moment’, reality suddenly hit. What. Am. I. Doing. I was 18, living away from home with ‘the whole world waiting for me’ (according to my mum). Why was I seeking companionship through a phone? It was fun, sure. But good things come to those who wait.

Good things may come to those who wait, but sometimes it’s best if they go

Ha, well. Ironically, I did meet somebody through Tinder. Well long story, friend of friend but also on Tinder. Anyway. I’ve since learnt that commitment probably isn’t best at university for people like me, loyalty is one thing but full on commitment is a lot more. During six months of ‘seeing each other’ we had some really great times and were loyal to one another, we didn’t ask too many questions and we didn’t really have the talk. This for many around us seemed strange. Though as term rolls to an end and exams become in touching distance it’s easy to see why we met up recently and had the ‘let’s be friends’ talk over a drink. Surprisingly, not in Wetherspoons.

University ‘relationships’ are always going to be tested as students return home for a stupidly long summer. Distance isn’t perhaps thought about in advance; neither is time nor change of context, not to mention work placements and jobs. So sometimes you do find something great, but that doesn’t mean it has to be long to be. If you can pick up where you left off over summer, or even continue over summer – I dig that, but if it ends then just think about why.

University doesn’t have to end existing relationships, either

We see those couples growing up together having dated since being in nappies, or wearing shutter shade glasses in year nine, and we all secretly think ‘they are not going to last once they start at university.’ I have learnt once more, that more often than not I am wrong. Relationships can end after the strain of university is put on them, but they can also be strengthened. In fairness, I didn’t realise how little time is actually spent AT university. So, if you are willing to try and keep up communication and put time aside to see each other, I’ve witnessed relationships lasting the year with minor hiccups. Of course, when there’s a bump in the road it is quite evident – but that means it has to be addressed.

Finally, I must always remember it is okay to be myself throughout it all

At first I felt like a complete twit turning my face to dodge a kiss in a club, or pretending I was nipping to the loo when somebody was getting a little too close for comfort. I’ve since learnt that this is nothing to feel guilty for. I didn’t have to give somebody my number just because they asked and I didn’t want to seem rude. I didn’t have to make out with a guy when all that I actually wanted to be dancing as my favourite song came on. I have learnt that usually in clubs, people are just there for a good time and if you’re not digging it, they’re not going to take it to heart.

You don’t have to pull on every night out, or be given sexual attention. Just have a good time, with no intentions.

ABC Family

Who Is Charles DiLaurentis? The 10 best Pretty Little Liars theories!

08:02

So like pretty much everybody on the planet, I'm kind of obsessed with Pretty Little Liars. Also, I kind of spend too much time researching theories/coming up with theories/questioning theories/trying to prove theories wrong, and failing. So here's a piece I posted on thenationalstudent.com a few weeks back on the ten best PLL theories to scratch your head over.

Read the published version here!

Season six is promising to be Pretty Little Liars's ‘summer of answers’ - but we’re already part way through, and I can’t be the only one who’s more confused than ever.

Taking to the internet, there’s a whole load of theories as to who is ‘A’/Charles DiLaurentis. Here’s a handy collection of the best for you to over-analyse.

1. Nigel Wright

But who is Nigel Wright, I hear you ask? Remember back in season three where the liars were pulled out of a fire by Red Coat during the finale? Here are just a few reasons why he could be Charles DiLaurentis...

He looks suspiciously like Jason DiLaurentis.

In a deleted scene Mrs D tells Alison that her son liked all things ‘vintage’; Alison protests that Jason doesn’t. Though Nigel has slicked back vintage hair, and dress sense. Also, he wears the same outfit as the ‘father figure’ doll found in the vault.

Marlene often gives clues through her song choices, two of which were by Patsy Cline who tragically died in an airplane crash. Nigel works as a pilot.

His lighter (used to start the cabin fire) had a compass on it leading to NW (Nigel Wright) that bares uncanny resemblance to the Campbell farm logo.

Nigel’s workplace has very similar decor to the vault; similarly A is seen to be sat in the same chair.

CeCe has always been said to look like Alison, which would make sense if they shared genes.

LA is known for cosmetic surgery – which is where CeCe had been.

It is never said why Jason and she broke up except that she had her ‘reasons’– perhaps she discovered she was a DiLaurentis?

CeCe is recognised by her red car. A toy red car is next to the blocks where Spencer spells out ‘Charles DiLaurentis’

‘A’’s messages often contain British spelling; Wren is the only British character.

Wren is the only main doctor in the show, meaning he could get hold of information and know how to perform the procedures A did. Remember when the liars woke up on hospital beds?‘Mona played with dolls. I play with body parts. Game on, bitches.’

Wren worked at Radley, and has been connected to both Spencer and Hanna.

He drew a picture, and the woman looked scarily like Mrs D in the home movie.

Wren is barely seen or spoken about, assumed to be in the UK, or perhaps too busy prepping the doll's house?

According to the Wiki page, he and Jason are the exact same age, backing the twin theory – despite Kenneth saying that Charles was 15 months older than Jason.

Ezra was seen playing with a toy train with Malcolm (yeah, remember his fake son?) - this train somehow worked its way into Spencer’s room in the dolls house.

Similarly, Ezra has a record player in his flat. There was a record player in the dolls house.

The Great Charlemagne mime artist included popcorn in his show – Ezra is shown a lot snacking on popcorn – there was a popcorn maker in the dolls house – Marlene tweeted that the Great Charlemagne is a big clue. Not to mention the uncanny likeness in looks.

Charles’s appears to have an obsession with Alison; so did Ezra when he started writing the book.

Ezra wears the most masks and costumes throughout the show, and we have seen Charles without his mask before...

It would back the ‘Rachel S. DiLaurentis’ theory.

The Hastings/DiLaurentis paths have already been crossed. Perhaps Mrs D had twins; she took Jason and Peter got Rachel, who is now better known as Melissa Hastings.

Melissa always said she was always trying to protect her sister, Spencer.

The prom theme in the dolls house was the same theme as Melissa and Ians'...

Check out, and be convinced by the full theory thought up by G_xoxo on YouTube:

2. Sara Harvey

This is one making the rounds on social media recently following Sara’s sudden haircut. All viewers have seen that home video of Mrs D with Jason and ‘Charles’ at the Campbell farm a thousand times. Though, what if ‘Charles’ isn’t a little boy? What if ‘Charles’ is actually a transgender girl, who is now known as Sara Harvey?

Or, Bethany Young is pretending to be Sara Harvey.

Just to throw a spanner in the works, because nothing is impossible on this show. What if Bethany Young is now pretending to be Sara Harvey - but maybe the previous theory still applies?

OR the blocks never said ‘Charles’ at all and actually said Rachel S. DiLaurentis

Leaving Bethany Young and Sara Harvey as a potential ‘Rachel S. DiLaurentis’, perhaps with the same back story as ‘Charles’? Or not.

3. CeCe Drake

Perhaps what Mr DiLaurentis said was the truth, and Charles was taken to Radley. However, what if Charles was transgender and became ‘CeCe’, as in CeCe Drake?

Interested? Find out more...

4. Wren

Wren has been in the firing line several times, and his theory has always stood. Here’s why.

Original theory by Pretty Little Liars Theory:

5. Ezra

Poor Ezra, he’s always being doubted. Though, it does make sense. Sorry Aria fans too, but this would allow Aria to be working with him – remember, we trust nobody!

Watch more on this theory by Veronique McNeal:

And...

6. Melissa

Most people are assuming Charles to be a guy, but we’ve been told that A was in the pilot episode – which doesn’t leave many options. Though, Melissa Hastings was.

More ideas over at...

Other theories include:

7. Sara/Bethany is Hanna Marin's sister and 'A', following reports that Ashley is hiding a big secret.

8. Lucas Gottesman is Charles. Perhaps he used to dress up like his little sister growing up, leading to Alison calling him 'Hermy'? Also, remember the note 'Chandelier's rituals, Sister launched lair, A ruler's list chained'? All anagrams for "Nerd Lucas Is The Liar."

What's the big deal with...deleting people on Facebook?

Dealing with...social media jealousy

10 things you HAVE to take to university with you

What I learnt about relationships during my first year at university

Who Is Charles DiLaurentis? The 10 best Pretty Little Liars theories!

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